Pey Carter Inspires Hope and Resilience, My Body Is Not Your Dart-board

Pey Carter served in the United States Army and Wisconsin National Guard as a broadcast journalist. She is the author of My Body’s Not Your Dartboard, an inspirational memoir about resilience, hope, and seeing past your disability to become the person you were always meant to be.  Pey has over a decade of personal and professional experience working in the fields of mental health, Post-Traumatic Stress, sexual trauma and domestic abuse, invisible disabilities, and queer liberation. She is a sought-after public speaker whose message of resilience in the face of adversity has forged alliances with politicians, universities, non-profits, and congregations throughout North America.

https://www.peycarter.com/

https://www.facebook.com/notyourdartboard

https://www.instagram.com/notyourdartboard/

About the Host:

I am Saylor Cooper, Owner of Real Variety Radio and host of the Hope Without Sight Podcast. I am from the Houston, Texas area and am legally blind which is one of the main reasons why I am hosting this show surrounding this topic , to inspire others by letting them know that they can live their best life and reach their highest potential.

 

Website: https://realvarietyradio.com/

 About the Co-host:

My name is Matthew Tyler Evans and I am from the Northeast Texas area. I am blind like Saylor is and we have the same retinal condition. I decided to join Saylor‘s podcast because I have a strong interest in teaming up with him and I think together, we can inspire the world with others with disabilities.

 

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Transcript
Saylor Cooper:

Hello, everybody. Welcome to another episode of

Saylor Cooper:

hope without sight with your host Saylor Cooper. And

Tyler Evans:

this is Tyler Evans, your co host.

Saylor Cooper:

Yeah, Episode 20. We figured this would be the

Saylor Cooper:

last episode of the year because I mean, we're ahead of the game.

Saylor Cooper:

And I know like, it's the holiday season, right? People

Saylor Cooper:

are busy going to Christmas party. It's getting late for

Saylor Cooper:

Christmas. And so we thought this would be episode 20. And to

Saylor Cooper:

close out the year, I'd like to welcome a very special guest

Saylor Cooper:

who's overcome a lot of challenges in life, including

Saylor Cooper:

being a life coach, teaching people about mental health,

Saylor Cooper:

sexual trauma, and so many other stuff. Please welcome pay Carter

Saylor Cooper:

pay how're you doing today?

Pey Carter:

Good morning. I didn't know this was the last

Pey Carter:

episode of the year for the podcast. So I feel very honored.

Saylor Cooper:

Yeah. Awesome. Yeah, we we thought it'd be the

Saylor Cooper:

last one because we've gotten a lot done. And like I said, it's

Saylor Cooper:

a holiday season, you know, so we want to keep people Blake and

Saylor Cooper:

Tyler, we want to break to you, I guess like,

Tyler Evans:

yeah, we do. Yeah. And of course, we still have our

Tyler Evans:

radio station. We have a radio station called real variety

Tyler Evans:

radio, folks. If you want to tune in, you can download to get

Tyler Evans:

me radio app, you can go to our website at listen dot real real

Tyler Evans:

variety. radio.com. And we have a clubhouse called the sailor

Tyler Evans:

show. We have a clubhouse club called the surf shop.

Saylor Cooper:

Well, thank you for that. Yeah. Well, I'm doing

Saylor Cooper:

podcast. So pay, let's get started. Tell us about yourself.

Saylor Cooper:

And because it's obviously looked at your website, and very

Saylor Cooper:

fond of your website, you're about to publish a memoir. So

Saylor Cooper:

just just give an introduction?

Pey Carter:

Sure. So hi, my name is Pey, I live in Wisconsin with

Pey Carter:

my two kids and my partner, Chad. I've experienced a lot in

Pey Carter:

my life. I am 36. I just turned 36 This year, and I have

Pey Carter:

personal experience with military sexual trauma. I have a

Pey Carter:

variety of medical issues. There's a very long list of it,

Pey Carter:

as well as domestic abuse. I'm a veteran as well and part of the

Pey Carter:

LGBTQ community. So I spent the last 10 years doing a lot of

Pey Carter:

advocacy work, sharing my stories, and just trying to

Pey Carter:

raise awareness about the communities that I belong to.

Pey Carter:

I've been asked for many, many years that I should write a

Pey Carter:

book. But for some reason, putting your stories on paper

Pey Carter:

for other people to read is a lot more intimidating than

Pey Carter:

speaking in front of people.

Saylor Cooper:

Oh, yeah, for sure. So I

Pey Carter:

was pleased this year to really work on it. So

Pey Carter:

I'm very excited that it will be released next year. Right now I

Pey Carter:

have a Kickstarter campaign that just started to help raise money

Pey Carter:

for some of the costs, you can back it and get signed

Pey Carter:

paperbacks, all sorts of things. So I've experienced a lot. And

Pey Carter:

I'm just really happy to be here and help raise awareness and

Pey Carter:

whatever way I can.

Saylor Cooper:

Oh, great, wonderful, wonderful. Yeah, I

Saylor Cooper:

look forward to telling us about all the experiences you've been

Saylor Cooper:

through and how you've overcome a lot of challenges. So first,

Saylor Cooper:

we want to thank you for celebrate. We want to thank you

Saylor Cooper:

for serving in the United States military. Thank you for your

Saylor Cooper:

service. Thank you. Yeah. So where did you serve?

Pey Carter:

I was in South Korea. I was a broadcast

Pey Carter:

journalist for the Armed Forces Network Korea. So I was

Pey Carter:

initially stationed down in Daegu and then I went up to camp

Pey Carter:

Youngstown, which was in Seoul. So I did everything from hosting

Pey Carter:

a radio show doing radio commercials, TV commercials,

Pey Carter:

shooting new stories, editing new stories, everything but

Pey Carter:

anchoring the news.

Saylor Cooper:

Yeah. Oh, yes. You're reliable ally, because

Saylor Cooper:

that's what we wanted. We were going to broadcasting as well.

Saylor Cooper:

We have a radio station. And, of course, we have a podcast of the

Saylor Cooper:

Armed Forces Network. How do how do military personnel listen? Do

Saylor Cooper:

they have radios or what?

Pey Carter:

Yeah, so when I was stationed in Korea, that's the

Pey Carter:

only you know, that's the only thing I can personally comment

Pey Carter:

on. But yes, we were actually the only radio station in the

Pey Carter:

whole country. That was an English. So it was really neat.

Pey Carter:

It was cool. I got to go experience a lot of stuff travel

Pey Carter:

around the country. It was fun.

Saylor Cooper:

Oh, great. Wonderful. So I mean, I know

Saylor Cooper:

it's this stuff's very sensitive. You know, you only

Saylor Cooper:

have to show what you feel comfortable. So yeah,

Saylor Cooper:

unfortunately, you experienced a lot of sexual trauma in the

Saylor Cooper:

military. I mean, how did you deal with that afterwards?

Pey Carter:

So I, I joined the military. For a few reasons. I

Pey Carter:

actually grew up all over the world and then my parents

Pey Carter:

decided to settle in Wisconsin, which was very difficult for

Pey Carter:

Somebody that spent their formative years overseas in

Pey Carter:

countries like Malaysia, things like that. And so when I was

Pey Carter:

very lost as a kid trying to fit in, and when I really stuck out.

Pey Carter:

And when I was about 16-17, my dad gave me this letter, my

Pey Carter:

grandfather, who, on my British side, my mother's from England

Pey Carter:

had died when I was young. And he handed me this letter. And

Pey Carter:

inside was a 12 page letter to me, done on a typewriter, where

Pey Carter:

he shared all his experiences. During World War Two, he served

Pey Carter:

as a gunner for the British Army. And that was part of why I

Pey Carter:

joined the military as nobody else in our whole entire family

Pey Carter:

had served, I thought doing so would kind of honor his memory

Pey Carter:

for me to feel more connected to him. I loved music, I really my

Pey Carter:

whole life as a teenager had all that teenage angst. So my whole

Pey Carter:

life, you know, revolved around music. So I was very excited to

Pey Carter:

find out that I could go into army and be able to travel like

Pey Carter:

I used to, and be able to, you know, do music, right interview

Pey Carter:

celebrities, things like that. Fortunately, during advance into

Pey Carter:

individual training, I was assaulted by somebody I

Pey Carter:

considered a friend and other service members. So it was six

Pey Carter:

months after my 18th birthday, five months after I graduated

Pey Carter:

high school, and that kind of set the tone for the rest of my

Pey Carter:

service. When I tried reporting, I was interrogated for days

Pey Carter:

without any sort of console or advocate. And at the time, this

Pey Carter:

is mid to late 2000s. military sexual trauma wasn't a thing

Pey Carter:

that people recognized. The only people with PTSD were men that

Pey Carter:

served in combat. So I, when I went to go to try to get help,

Pey Carter:

because I wanted to continue to serve and honor my grandfather's

Pey Carter:

memory, I was misdiagnosed as bipolar and forced on up to four

Pey Carter:

medications at a time. So it was very, very difficult for me to

Pey Carter:

try to manage all that and do the job and do what I wanted to

Pey Carter:

do. So I was discharged. Luckily, I got an honorable

Pey Carter:

discharge, which is not common for MST survivors. And it was a

Pey Carter:

really big adjustment. Because I did get diagnosed with PTSD

Pey Carter:

right away, that bipolar was thrown out when I started seeing

Pey Carter:

a civilian doctor, but nobody had any experience with a

Pey Carter:

service member or veteran that had military sexual trauma. So

Pey Carter:

at the same time that I'm trying to receive care, I'm also

Pey Carter:

educating therapists. So it's, it's it's very interesting. I

Pey Carter:

started doing advocacy work in 2012. I don't know if you've

Pey Carter:

heard of the documentary, The Invisible War.

Saylor Cooper:

No, never that. Okay.

Pey Carter:

It's a really great documentary about military

Pey Carter:

sexual trauma. And it came out in 2012. And it just blew my

Pey Carter:

mind, because I didn't know how many other people how many other

Pey Carter:

victims were out there. And I had been very silent. Because

Pey Carter:

when I was discharged, I was told, you know, you're not a

Pey Carter:

veteran, you're an embarrassment to all the women that served

Pey Carter:

before you excetera. So I didn't consider myself a veteran. I

Pey Carter:

didn't know that there was other people that this had happened

Pey Carter:

to. And it was just like the switch this light switch.

Pey Carter:

Because I was in shock. Like, how how does society not know

Pey Carter:

this is happening? How is this continuing? Like it's been going

Pey Carter:

on for decades? How does nobody know? And like I said it was a

Pey Carter:

switch. And a couple months later, I was in Washington, DC

Pey Carter:

talking to politicians that represent Wisconsin and

Pey Carter:

Minnesota trying to promote some legislation that was or bills

Pey Carter:

that were being drafted to help support victims of military

Pey Carter:

sexual trauma.

Saylor Cooper:

Oh, wow. So now your cell they, they thought you

Saylor Cooper:

have bipolar disorder when it really was PTSD. And after you

Saylor Cooper:

were discharged, you began advocating for good mental

Saylor Cooper:

health services, and that's great. Yeah, yeah. Me and today,

Saylor Cooper:

you're a life coach. You've also you've out you also mentioned in

Saylor Cooper:

your website, you've had a lot of chronic illnesses and

Saylor Cooper:

disabilities, what are those?

Pey Carter:

Sure. So for a long time, I had just PTSD which I

Pey Carter:

don't mean just to minimize it. But that is one condition,

Pey Carter:

right? That that you deal with. And back in 2017. I was in a

Pey Carter:

really good place. I had all these coping skills. I had a

Pey Carter:

service dog, I was hiking, I was walking I was I was managing

Pey Carter:

things really well. But then I got shingles at the age of 29.

Pey Carter:

And it wasn't that bad. I had two rashes about the size of

Pey Carter:

half $1 coin. One was on my side or on my spine and it caused

Pey Carter:

permanent damage to my autonomic system. So all of a sudden I

Pey Carter:

went from being very able bodied, to physically disabled

Pey Carter:

my body suddenly couldn't Didn't regulate things like heart rate

Pey Carter:

and blood pressure when I changed positions. So standing

Pey Carter:

up, crouching down walking for extensive periods of time

Pey Carter:

standing for too long, I would get really dizzy and pass out.

Pey Carter:

So I couldn't you know, a lot of people when they have anxiety or

Pey Carter:

they're stressed, they do a mad cleanup of their house, right? I

Pey Carter:

couldn't do that I couldn't tie my son's shoes, I couldn't go

Pey Carter:

for walks, I couldn't go to the store. So it was very, very

Pey Carter:

difficult during so that's a diagnosis of Postural

Pey Carter:

Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome, which

Saylor Cooper:

is a big mouthful. Yeah, big mouthful.

Pey Carter:

big mouthful. So basically, you know, saying your

Pey Carter:

body doesn't regulate things when you change positions. And I

Pey Carter:

have a separate diagnosis of dysautonomia, which basically

Pey Carter:

means dysfunction of the autonomic system, because the

Pey Carter:

shingles also damaged my internal thermostat, so my body

Pey Carter:

could no longer regulate temperature. So for example, I

Pey Carter:

don't sweat at all during the summer, I often don't realize

Pey Carter:

when my body is overheated, same thing similar in the cold, you

Pey Carter:

know, when you get too cold, your body's supposed to bring

Pey Carter:

your heat to your core to protect your vital organs, mind

Pey Carter:

sends them to my fingers, my toes, my legs, wherever it just

Pey Carter:

feels like sending them at that moment, not where it's supposed

Pey Carter:

to go. So as you can imagine, that was really really, really

Pey Carter:

hard to struggle, you know, to deal with. And then during the

Pey Carter:

the course of treatment for that, I found out that I have a

Pey Carter:

tissue connectivity disorder called Ehlers Danlos. There's

Pey Carter:

lots of subtypes of it, my daughter and I found out my

Pey Carter:

daughter also has it the hypermobility type, so all of my

Pey Carter:

joints from my neck down to my toes, or hope hyper mobile. I

Pey Carter:

didn't know when I went into the military that I had that. So as

Pey Carter:

you can imagine running on concrete during ruck marches,

Pey Carter:

doing ruck marches really wrecked my lower joints, so my

Pey Carter:

hips everything down. So I've had both my feet fused, for

Pey Carter:

example, I have degenerative damage, and both my hips and my

Pey Carter:

lower back, probably need a hip replacement in about eight to 10

Pey Carter:

years. So before I'm 50, which is really nerve racking. Let's

Pey Carter:

see, I also have a generalized seizure disorder fibromyalgia. I

Pey Carter:

have a eating disorder called avoidance restrictive food

Pey Carter:

intake disorder, which is a sensory eating disorder, nothing

Pey Carter:

to do with body image or body weight, but I struggle a lot

Pey Carter:

with tastes like texture of certain foods. And then a few

Pey Carter:

months ago, I was diagnosed with being on autism spectrum

Pey Carter:

disorder. So I have a list what

Saylor Cooper:

autism spectrum disorder when you didn't even

Saylor Cooper:

know it, because that's, that's what's coming out. You know,

Saylor Cooper:

nowadays, many, many people who have autism of their life,

Saylor Cooper:

they're just now getting diagnosed.

Pey Carter:

Yeah, there, there was a lot of things that I, you

Pey Carter:

know, thought I was doing masking because of my PTSD.

Pey Carter:

That's where it was really like, I thought it was just part of my

Pey Carter:

PTSD until I was diagnosed with the sensory eating disorder. And

Pey Carter:

then I really paid attention, I started paying attention to my

Pey Carter:

sensory issues, and thought, Alright, like, let me just go

Pey Carter:

see if I have a sensory processing disorder. I didn't

Pey Carter:

think I was on the spectrum. I thought maybe I just had a

Pey Carter:

sensory processing disorder, but I am on the spectrum.

Saylor Cooper:

Yeah, that's, that's part of autism,

Saylor Cooper:

essentially, sensory issues. So I guess, you seem to be high

Saylor Cooper:

functioning. Autism.

Pey Carter:

You know, it's all a spectrum. I really, I don't like

Pey Carter:

the term high functioning, to be honest, because I feel like it

Pey Carter:

is negative towards people that struggle more than I do. Yeah,

Pey Carter:

it's, it's on a spectrum. So yeah, but I think I think part

Pey Carter:

of it too, is is that Ehlers Danlos. It's a tissue

Pey Carter:

connectivity disorders. So fragile skin, poor wound

Pey Carter:

healing, basically faulty collagen in the tissue and what

Pey Carter:

is our body made up of? Tissue? Right. So a comorbidity between

Pey Carter:

Ehlers Danlos and other conditions, practically all the

Pey Carter:

ones that I have have a comorbidity with that tissue

Pey Carter:

connectivity, disordering, including being on the spectrum.

Pey Carter:

So

Saylor Cooper:

Wow. So what caused you to have like, all of

Saylor Cooper:

these physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, the shingles

Saylor Cooper:

and all that?

Pey Carter:

Well, I was I was still part of the generation

Pey Carter:

where they had the chickenpox parties. There wasn't a

Pey Carter:

vaccination for chickenpox at that time. So I was part of the

Pey Carter:

chickenpox parties if I'm not sure if you knew if you know

Pey Carter:

what that is. Yeah, yeah. So that's why I was you know, I was

Pey Carter:

I could get shingles. I think I got it traveling is what my

Pey Carter:

doctor and I thought, but it just caused that permanent

Pey Carter:

damage. We think that the Ehlers Danlos It was kind of set me up.

Pey Carter:

And then it was just this shingles that triggered it. So

Pey Carter:

that's probably the baseline of how I got it. And then it's just

Pey Carter:

as you go on, you know, you just figure doctors figure out,

Pey Carter:

figure out what your health issues are a lot of them are

Pey Carter:

pretty considered rare or uncommon, I would say that my

Pey Carter:

fibromyalgia was triggered because I was in a abusive

Pey Carter:

situation. So stress, stress, really? Yep, stress can really

Pey Carter:

trigger it. And now that I've been out of that situation for

Pey Carter:

quite a few years, I only have flareups when I'm very, very

Pey Carter:

stressed. So yeah, because

Saylor Cooper:

you've also had even through domestic situation

Saylor Cooper:

as well, gosh, you even them to divorce and honestly, I don't, I

Saylor Cooper:

don't like divorce. It's not good. I mean, a marriage is, is

Saylor Cooper:

there for a reason to last for a lifetime. But at the same time,

Saylor Cooper:

I do understand that, you know, people should never stay in a

Saylor Cooper:

marriage that's completely unhealthy. And that's damaging.

Saylor Cooper:

So, you know, in the end, if that's it, divorces was fast.

Saylor Cooper:

It's fast. And that's why you know, way I see it a couple

Saylor Cooper:

should not get married fast. They should know, who they're

Saylor Cooper:

marrying beforehand, you know? Yeah, yeah. And so, um, so like,

Saylor Cooper:

how did you ever come? Like, have you ever hardships like

Saylor Cooper:

divorce? And have you ever have you ever hardships you've

Saylor Cooper:

mentioned?

Pey Carter:

Well, when you are suddenly stricken with a

Pey Carter:

diagnosis that completely changes your life, right? Like I

Pey Carter:

said, PTSD is mental, right? It doesn't affect you generally,

Pey Carter:

physically. So all the like I said, all the coping mechanisms

Pey Carter:

went out the window, my service dog, even that I had had to go

Pey Carter:

to another veteran, because I couldn't even regulate myself,

Pey Carter:

let alone, you know, give commands to a dog that went

Pey Carter:

everywhere with me. So I was I was in a very dark place for a

Pey Carter:

long time, because I wanted to be the person that I was before.

Pey Carter:

For I got sick. So I wanted to try all the medications, all the

Pey Carter:

alternative treatments, all the Eastern medicine, and every time

Pey Carter:

that one of those didn't work, I would just sink lower and lower

Pey Carter:

and lower. And when you're too when you're in a relationship

Pey Carter:

that says, you know that your appointments are a hindrance, or

Pey Carter:

you're faking it, trying to ride the system, because I have 100%

Pey Carter:

disability rating from the VA. So I have compensation for that.

Pey Carter:

So try say, Oh, you're writing the system, or, you know, it

Pey Carter:

wouldn't be that bad if you just did this. And so that, like just

Pey Carter:

added to it. But at some point, you know, especially when I got

Pey Carter:

out of that situation, and I was in a lot of therapy, you know, I

Pey Carter:

realized to better take care of myself to be a better parent,

Pey Carter:

for my kids to be a better daughter to be a better friend,

Pey Carter:

I really needed to start paying attention and taking care of

Pey Carter:

myself. So what does that mean? What are my body? Excuse me, my

Pey Carter:

body limitations, right? Do I need to try to force myself to

Pey Carter:

go hiking because I really miss hiking where I'm gonna get sick

Pey Carter:

for days and pass out? Or do I realize, okay, I can do a walk

Pey Carter:

early in the morning for this amount of time or this distance.

Pey Carter:

And I think too, one of the big things that my body has taught

Pey Carter:

me is really just to slow down and listen. Yeah, you just

Pey Carter:

everybody. Yeah, we're in this capitalistic society, right?

Pey Carter:

Where people are expected to work themselves to the bone,

Pey Carter:

right, that productivity equals the worth of somebody. And I

Pey Carter:

think if you right that's doing that, at some point, their

Pey Carter:

body's telling them hey, this is too much, right? You need to

Pey Carter:

self care you need to slow down whether it's you know, getting

Pey Carter:

headaches or or whatever it is, right, your body is telling you,

Pey Carter:

Hey, slow down, you're overworking yourself and being

Pey Carter:

forced to do that right? It's it's it's changing. It's like

Pey Carter:

wow, all right, this is how I'm reacting to this. This is what

Pey Carter:

my body is telling me I need to do this. Yeah. Yeah. And and

Pey Carter:

realizing to within that within the therapy and all these

Pey Carter:

realizations that my worth isn't doesn't equal my productivity,

Pey Carter:

right. I don't have to be out working a full time job, making

Pey Carter:

my health worse, right, because it's already having medical

Pey Carter:

issues then to try to fix for myself to work a job where I'm

Pey Carter:

masking where I'm getting dizzy or whatever, is, is really

Pey Carter:

stressful. And so understanding that understanding that I'm not

Pey Carter:

broken, that I am worthy of love that I am a great parent, even

Pey Carter:

if I have all these medical, you know, medical issues, even if

Pey Carter:

they do limit me in ways that sometimes are very frustrating,

Pey Carter:

I have the tools that I need to navigate that,

Saylor Cooper:

yes, and you don't, don't put so many demands

Saylor Cooper:

on yourself, especially demands that society gives you just do

Saylor Cooper:

what you can to get back.

Pey Carter:

And that looks that looks like so many so many

Pey Carter:

things, right? You don't have to be working a job, no, in order

Pey Carter:

to unity. And so my way, my way of doing that is by speaking by

Pey Carter:

writing this book, by doing this podcast is getting out there and

Pey Carter:

helping people to understand what it's what the challenges

Pey Carter:

are for different communities. Now, I was just gonna say

Pey Carter:

quickly, like, for me, I don't look disabled, right? Young, all

Pey Carter:

of all my conditions that affect me physically, are invisible.

Pey Carter:

And that's very challenging for people to understand. So going

Pey Carter:

out there and say, like, Hey, I have disability plates, because

Pey Carter:

my body can't regulate temperature going from an air

Pey Carter:

conditioned car into the lovely humidity and high 90s that we

Pey Carter:

find ourselves in, in the summer in the Midwest, and then into an

Pey Carter:

air conditioned store, I get really dizzy, I'm at a risk of

Pey Carter:

passing out having heatstroke, etc. and saying, Hey, disability

Pey Carter:

plates, for example, aren't just for people that have trouble

Pey Carter:

walking or elderly people. Like there's so many reasons why

Pey Carter:

somebody can have disability plates.

Saylor Cooper:

Because yeah, because they're these

Saylor Cooper:

disabilities out there that aren't this rolling like a lot

Saylor Cooper:

of people won't believe it, because it's not obvious. Right

Saylor Cooper:

away. And so yeah, well, you're writing a book, and I see you

Saylor Cooper:

have a master's degree and a bachelor's degrees. Well,

Pey Carter:

yes, I do.

Saylor Cooper:

And you're completing another degree by

Saylor Cooper:

2025.

Pey Carter:

I've I've temporarily withdrawn for that,

Pey Carter:

just so I could focus on my book. But yeah, so I've been

Pey Carter:

working on a doctoral program as well.

Saylor Cooper:

Now, is your book out yet? Or is it going to come

Saylor Cooper:

out soon?

Pey Carter:

It's going to come out about May 2023. Oh, awesome.

Pey Carter:

So it's done. It's done the Kickstarter campaign, is to help

Pey Carter:

just finish up with editorial costs, publishing costs. If you

Pey Carter:

go through a traditional publisher, which I didn't want

Pey Carter:

to do, they actually get the rights of your book. And you get

Pey Carter:

a very small percentage of the royalties. So I am wanting to

Pey Carter:

say I'm working with an indie publisher, so that I can

Pey Carter:

maintain all my royalties for my for my book and have the rights

Pey Carter:

to it. So

Saylor Cooper:

and your book is about how to find purpose in

Saylor Cooper:

life. Correct.

Pey Carter:

So it is my memoir journaling, sharing my journey

Pey Carter:

of what it was like going from able bodied to disabled. How I

Pey Carter:

struggled with that, and then the lessons that my body taught

Pey Carter:

me.

Saylor Cooper:

Wow, beautiful, wonderful, and that will be able

Saylor Cooper:

to find your book on Amazon, audible all that. But the truth

Saylor Cooper:

is, right,

Pey Carter:

right. Yeah. And you can go to you can go to

Pey Carter:

Kickstarter right now and find out more information, just the

Pey Carter:

name of my book. So the name of my book is my body's natural

Pey Carter:

dartboard. So you can go to Kickstarter, for example, and

Pey Carter:

search for that, and you'll get all the information.

Saylor Cooper:

Wow. Wonderful, wonderful. And so besides your

Saylor Cooper:

book, what are your future goals? I know you want to

Saylor Cooper:

inspire the world, right? But other than that, what are your

Saylor Cooper:

main future goals in life?

Pey Carter:

I would love to so a couple of years ago, I did a

Pey Carter:

storytelling Theater Project where I connect where I

Pey Carter:

collected stories of military sexual trauma from all around

Pey Carter:

the country from people of different ages, different

Pey Carter:

situations. And I put it into a theater project that was

Pey Carter:

performed in Wisconsin and Calif it's called speaking out why

Pey Carter:

stand? I would love to win my goals after I get done with this

Pey Carter:

book is to do a similar thing with people with disabilities

Pey Carter:

and put that into a book. So collaboration, a shared book

Pey Carter:

with yours from different people.

Saylor Cooper:

Yeah, and maybe Tyler and I can be a part of

Saylor Cooper:

your book and vice versa because Ty will tell tell our guests

Saylor Cooper:

what we're doing.

Saylor Cooper:

Hello, Tyler, are you there? I think he's he probably left.

Saylor Cooper:

Yesterday, you're here Tyler, Tell Tell, tell our guests what

Saylor Cooper:

we're doing together. We write in the book,

Tyler Evans:

memoir, a memoir, actually. We're basically going

Tyler Evans:

to talk about our lives about how, you know, we've overcome,

Tyler Evans:

you know, adverse circumstances similar to what we're doing with

Tyler Evans:

our podcast. Except we're doing it in writing form. Yeah.

Tyler Evans:

Because basically, basically what we want to do, you know,

Tyler Evans:

along with our podcasts, we want to inspire others through our

Tyler Evans:

writing as well.

Saylor Cooper:

That's right. Because yeah, both me and Tyler.

Saylor Cooper:

We're like, almost brothers together. We're both blind. And

Saylor Cooper:

we have very similar interest. And we're on this journey

Saylor Cooper:

together, right?

Tyler Evans:

Yes, we are. And to me, it's not about you know, the

Tyler Evans:

money or anything like that. You know, that that'll probably come

Tyler Evans:

in the future. But it's about inspiration. It's about doing

Tyler Evans:

what you love. Exactly. See that. That's the key. Like, if

Tyler Evans:

you don't love what you do, it's not a career. It's just another

Tyler Evans:

job. But if you love it, and you put your mind to it, it becomes

Tyler Evans:

your career. And not only a career, a hobby, that is a life.

Tyler Evans:

It's not only a hobby, either. It's a lifestyle.

Saylor Cooper:

It's a lot. Yeah, yeah.

Pey Carter:

Yeah, it does. Yeah, that's how I feel about my

Pey Carter:

advocacy work. You know, but I consider it a privilege that I

Pey Carter:

am able to do. So I know that there's a lot of people with

Pey Carter:

disabilities with military sexual trauma that don't have a

Pey Carter:

rating or STI and can't do so. So I love going and talking to

Pey Carter:

people and spreading awareness. And every time I do it doesn't

Pey Carter:

matter what topic it's about. I always have somebody coming up

Pey Carter:

to me afterwards, you know, saying thank you. I thought I

Pey Carter:

was alone. I haven't met anybody else that, you know, is

Pey Carter:

experiencing this, or I haven't thought about talking about it

Pey Carter:

to other people, because I didn't think that they would

Pey Carter:

understand. And yeah, that's what I just feel like my purpose

Pey Carter:

is and I will I will go places and I see an accommodation

Pey Carter:

issue, I will raise it. I cannot keep my mouth shut like, hey,

Pey Carter:

this button doesn't work, or hey, you've got somebody kicking

Pey Carter:

the door opener like?

Tyler Evans:

Yeah. Oh,

Saylor Cooper:

yeah. There you go. Well,

Tyler Evans:

so the question was, what's your service dog

Tyler Evans:

used for? Is it for emotional support? Is it because I don't

Tyler Evans:

think you're blind? Are you?

Pey Carter:

No, no, I'm not. And I no longer have my service dog.

Pey Carter:

But it's so an emotional support animal is basically it's it's

Pey Carter:

not an animal that's trained. It's it's for housing, if you're

Pey Carter:

want to live in a place that doesn't allow pets and say you

Pey Carter:

have some sort of chronic illness, mental health and

Pey Carter:

having a pet because a pet can do a lot for a person

Pey Carter:

emotionally. Right? So an emotional support animal is is

Pey Carter:

just an animal that you can have in the house that provides

Pey Carter:

emotional support. So a service dog is a trained dog that has

Pey Carter:

tasks to help navigate a person's disability, right? So

Pey Carter:

you can have mental health service dogs. My dog, for

Pey Carter:

example, would, let's see, what's a couple of commands that

Pey Carter:

he had. It's been seven years since I had him and had to let

Pey Carter:

him go. But he would do block where he would stand in front of

Pey Carter:

me, because everybody has a different idea of what personal

Pey Carter:

space is. And when you have social anxiety or PTSD, you

Pey Carter:

don't want people getting too close. So for example, he would

Pey Carter:

stand in front of me, so I would have that space. I had a lot of

Pey Carter:

hyper vigilance. And so I he had a command where he would be at

Pey Carter:

my side facing the other direction, and he would let me

Pey Carter:

know if somebody was coming up behind me so I could allow

Pey Carter:

myself more space. He was also trained to help me find exits if

Pey Carter:

I was having an anxiety attack. So yeah, so Moe is a service

Pey Carter:

dog. He was great.

Tyler Evans:

Oh, wow. So So you had to give up your service dog?

Pey Carter:

Yeah, unfortunately, when I got the shingles and I

Pey Carter:

got really sick because I couldn't, you know, dogs are

Pey Carter:

great. Like train service dogs, we have to be able to give them

Pey Carter:

a command and you have to not only be able to give them a

Pey Carter:

command, but service dogs aren't robots, right. They are are

Pey Carter:

still going to mess up sometimes or get a little distracted and

Pey Carter:

if you get Have an inch, they'll take a mile, right. And so when

Pey Carter:

you can't, when you're getting dizzy standing up, when you're,

Pey Carter:

you know, crouching down, you're dizzy all the time in public,

Pey Carter:

you can't give a dog commands one when you should be right on

Pey Carter:

time when you need to. And if they're, you know, doing

Pey Carter:

something that they shouldn't be. So say, for example, he's

Pey Carter:

supposed to sit right next to me or walk and he'll right walk

Pey Carter:

right next to me. And if he's getting a bit too far ahead, or

Pey Carter:

a bit far behind, like, I can't, I couldn't, you know, stop him.

Pey Carter:

I couldn't give him the commands because I was, I was so focused

Pey Carter:

on making sure I didn't pass out or, you know, so he did get

Pey Carter:

placed with another veteran. He, he loved working. Anytime I got

Pey Carter:

his vest out, he was so happy and ready to go. And I didn't

Pey Carter:

have the heart to turn them into a family dog. I just, I didn't

Pey Carter:

have the heart to do so. So he was placed with another veteran,

Pey Carter:

I was able to help kind of with that transition. So it was

Pey Carter:

really good. It was hard. But it was the best decision that I

Pey Carter:

that I could make at the time.

Saylor Cooper:

Yeah. And now of course, you have two kids, it

Saylor Cooper:

seems to be you've been able to, even though you've, uh, you've

Saylor Cooper:

had a lot of these challenges, you've been able to raise two

Saylor Cooper:

kids successfully, which is awesome. Wonderful.

Tyler Evans:

One sec, folks. Yeah.

Pey Carter:

Are you on your show?

Saylor Cooper:

Yeah. Sorry. Yeah. So yeah, you've been able

Saylor Cooper:

to raise two kids successfully, which is wonderful.

Pey Carter:

Well, and I think too, you know, having

Pey Carter:

disabilities, it gives me a different perspective than I had

Pey Carter:

before. You know, I see the world differently. Because I was

Pey Carter:

one of those people just, you know, we're taught as a society.

Pey Carter:

And sometimes you know, how our parents raise you that

Pey Carter:

disabilities are something you could see. Right, right. There's

Pey Carter:

something you could see, something I talk about in my

Pey Carter:

book, too, is, you know, I was part of that where it was, you

Pey Carter:

know, you see somebody that was disabled, and it's, you know,

Pey Carter:

you'd have your parents say, don't look Don't stare, right.

Pey Carter:

And so, it's not even encouraged to do a smile or wave, it's to

Pey Carter:

completely like, ignore their existence, which carries over

Pey Carter:

into adulthood. When I was doing, I was I was doing an

Pey Carter:

interactive workshop on disabilities. And I had a woman

Pey Carter:

say to me that she wishes she wished that all disabled people

Pey Carter:

when she was out in public could just be in a corner. So she

Pey Carter:

could pretend they didn't exist, because looking at the made her

Pey Carter:

uncomfortable. And so well, realizing, no, and, you know,

Pey Carter:

it's, it's, that's what I found that it comes down to like

Pey Carter:

ableism and ableist language, it comes down to fear, right? One

Pey Carter:

disability is a biological fact. And that is very scary for some

Pey Carter:

people. Right? Very scary. And then just also, not having any

Pey Carter:

experience with disabled people what it means to be disabled,

Pey Carter:

what that is, like, you know, so even so with my kids, my

Pey Carter:

daughter has the same tissue connectivity disorder as I do,

Pey Carter:

but it's not a disability for her. And a lot of what we are

Pey Carter:

doing is preventative care, so that she doesn't, for example,

Pey Carter:

go into the military and have like I was having my first foot

Pey Carter:

fused at the age of 21. Right and needing a double hip

Pey Carter:

replacement in 10 years. I want to try to prevent that for as

Pey Carter:

long as possible. And so being able to go into her schools and

Pey Carter:

educate other elementary kids on disabilities and what that looks

Pey Carter:

like. I'm glad that I have that opportunity that I see the world

Pey Carter:

differently. And I currently eat that to my kids.

Saylor Cooper:

Wonderful. And now do you use a wheelchair now

Saylor Cooper:

or can you walk

Pey Carter:

so I have a walker and I have a wheelchair I tend

Pey Carter:

to use my walker more in the summer so it's one that has a

Pey Carter:

seat. So it's not because say I have trouble walking but so that

Pey Carter:

I have a seat if I get dizzy because walking down the aisle

Pey Carter:

and target for example, right, there's no chairs. And so during

Pey Carter:

the summer, which is when my pots and my dysautonomia is very

Pey Carter:

exasperated because of the heat and the humidity, I tend to use

Pey Carter:

a walker and then I if it's really bad, I use a wheelchair

Pey Carter:

but then also with my joints if I'm in a lot of pain, I use a

Pey Carter:

wheelchair because I would prefer not to have a double hip

Pey Carter:

replacement for as long as prevent that for as long as

Pey Carter:

possible. So to help slow down the wear and tear on my joint, I

Pey Carter:

will use my wheelchair.

Saylor Cooper:

Wow. Now how do you know like when to go inside

Saylor Cooper:

if it's too hot or too cold since your body can't regulate

Saylor Cooper:

temperature.

Pey Carter:

So one is you know, paying attention to The Weather

Pey Carter:

Channel right and what the temperature is, and then looking

Pey Carter:

at what we're wanting to do. So for example, in winter two,

Pey Carter:

there's a lot of times where I can't go sledding with my kids,

Pey Carter:

because it is too cold, I can do it on Sundays, I can't do it on

Pey Carter:

others. Same with, you know, walking through holiday like

Pey Carter:

displays, like, I tend to find ones that I can drive through or

Pey Carter:

are more accessible. But yeah, just paying attention to you

Pey Carter:

know, what, what we're doing, what the temperature is, like, I

Pey Carter:

also go off of what other people's bodies are doing. So if

Pey Carter:

I'm with someone and their faces getting really flushed, or

Pey Carter:

they're sweating, that is a big cue. I give my friends, my

Pey Carter:

partner, even my kids the permission to get very just

Pey Carter:

because I get so stubborn because I'll feel okay, right,

Pey Carter:

I'm out there, and I generally feel fine. So I give them

Pey Carter:

permission to really push hey, you need to drink like Gatorade

Pey Carter:

or something with you know, water, you know, your You look

Pey Carter:

like you're getting hot. And so I give them permission to get

Pey Carter:

really kind of forceful with it. Because I'll be like, Oh, fine,

Pey Carter:

you know, it's on good. And then the next day, it's a whole lot

Pey Carter:

of problems. So

Saylor Cooper:

yeah, it's a balance. It's

Pey Carter:

really tricky to it's really tricky.

Saylor Cooper:

Yes, yeah. Yeah. And have you ever also the work

Saylor Cooper:

I like that you're doing as well as you're, you're fighting

Saylor Cooper:

against the US education system? I think I saw on your website,

Saylor Cooper:

which is this not the best, as you know,

Pey Carter:

I Well, I, as a student, I've had to educate

Pey Carter:

professors on my accommodations, even with my ADA accommodations,

Pey Carter:

I have professors that really push against it, because they're

Pey Carter:

used to people that are blind people that are deaf people that

Pey Carter:

have a learning disability, right. They're not used to

Pey Carter:

people that need accommodations for other medical issues,

Pey Carter:

especially, you know, if you're neurodivergent. And so, during

Pey Carter:

my, my master's especially, I had to really advocate for

Pey Carter:

myself. And then the neat thing was, when I was in my last year,

Pey Carter:

I had incoming students who found out about me who have

Pey Carter:

medical issues and accommodations, and were coming

Pey Carter:

to me for mentorship, which was, which was really, really neat. I

Pey Carter:

didn't even know until I was in my undergraduate program. And I

Pey Carter:

started having seizures in my sleep, but we didn't know what

Pey Carter:

it was, I was just very fatigued during the day, which makes it

Pey Carter:

really hard to go to class to concentrate to turn things in.

Pey Carter:

And I was connected with Disability Services. And at the

Pey Carter:

time, I didn't know that, you know, you could use Disability

Pey Carter:

Services for other medical issues than what I just

Pey Carter:

mentioned a couple of minutes ago, right. And so it was very

Pey Carter:

eye opening to me. And my my advisor, there was the one that

Pey Carter:

really taught me how to advocate for myself. So that's, that's

Pey Carter:

what I just carried over for the rest of my, you know, life to

Pey Carter:

where I am today is because that advisor helped me advocate for

Pey Carter:

myself within the education system. So,

Saylor Cooper:

yeah, so yeah, that's what it's all about. You

Saylor Cooper:

just have to advocate and fight for what you need. Now, do you

Saylor Cooper:

have a podcast yourself? Or not yet?

Pey Carter:

No, I don't I did for a little while, but it's a

Pey Carter:

lot of work. It is a lot of work. It is a lot of work. And

Pey Carter:

when you have some other things that need to take, you know,

Pey Carter:

that need to be prepared to prioritize. That's, that's what

Pey Carter:

that's what I did. But I love being on shows, and I probably

Pey Carter:

will in the future because I miss being on radio radio is so

Pey Carter:

much fun.

Saylor Cooper:

Yes, it is. Fun. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I know you. I

Saylor Cooper:

know you're limited on time. So I want to, of course, get to

Saylor Cooper:

closing remarks. But first, do you have anything else to share?

Saylor Cooper:

I think

Pey Carter:

we've covered a lot of things. Um, you know, just

Pey Carter:

remember for the people listening, that no matter where

Pey Carter:

you are in your life, you're not, you're not broken. One

Pey Carter:

thing that just came to me a couple of months ago that I

Pey Carter:

really realized is even if even if I wasn't assaulted, even if

Pey Carter:

you know, I didn't have my medical conditions, I would

Pey Carter:

still be a different person than what I was a year ago, five

Pey Carter:

years ago, 10 years ago, like we're always, always changing,

Pey Carter:

right? I don't think anybody's in their 30s It was the same

Pey Carter:

like the same person they were in their 20s or as a teenager.

Pey Carter:

So I think that's really just important to point out is we're

Pey Carter:

always changing, we're evolving and no matter what you're going

Pey Carter:

through, that doesn't mean that you are less worthy of love or

Pey Carter:

healthy relationships with other people, whether it's family,

Pey Carter:

friends, and self care isn't selfish, too. It really isn't.

Saylor Cooper:

Exactly. Yeah. Well, that's a good message as

Saylor Cooper:

well. So and if you have anything else, before we do our

Saylor Cooper:

customary wrap up, Tyler, do you have any other questions?

Tyler Evans:

Yeah. You know, if you ever want, you're more than

Tyler Evans:

happy to be. What do you call that? A contributor to talk

Tyler Evans:

podcasts from time to time, if you want?

Pey Carter:

Oh, that would be wonderful. Yeah, I have a lot of

Pey Carter:

so I can talk about

Saylor Cooper:

the process of developing monetization

Saylor Cooper:

strategies and affiliate programs. And so Oh, cool. Yeah,

Saylor Cooper:

I would love to, we love to continue working with you and

Saylor Cooper:

all our guests, and see how we can change the world together.

Saylor Cooper:

So

Tyler Evans:

we have a radio station test. So you can be a

Tyler Evans:

part of that, too.

Saylor Cooper:

We overlay radio. That's right. Yeah. So.

Tyler Evans:

So yeah, I think we are good.

Saylor Cooper:

So Tyler, let's ask this question together. You

Saylor Cooper:

know what it is? So we ask all the guests, okay. So Tyler,

Saylor Cooper:

let's try and say it simultaneously. Okay, so what

Saylor Cooper:

advice?

Tyler Evans:

What advice would you give to anybody? Anyone who

Tyler Evans:

is struggling? who struggle? who fails? who have no hope? Yeah.

Pey Carter:

Hope is there even even when it seems like it's so

Pey Carter:

far and that light is dim? You can you can get there look for

Pey Carter:

it. You know, I talked about in my book about how sometimes when

Pey Carter:

you're just faced with adversity, whatever it is, it

Pey Carter:

doesn't have to be something big. It is so easy to just kind

Pey Carter:

of crawl under the covers, pretend the world doesn't exist

Pey Carter:

and get into that hole. But there is hope there is light, it

Pey Carter:

is possible. It's it's not going to be that way for forever.

Pey Carter:

You're not going to be in this dark place forever.

Saylor Cooper:

That's right. That's right. And no, because

Saylor Cooper:

it's never too late to accomplish what you want in

Saylor Cooper:

life.

Pey Carter:

It may look differently than what you

Pey Carter:

thought it would. But yeah, yes,

Saylor Cooper:

yes, exactly. Well, hey, thanks so much for

Saylor Cooper:

being on the hook without sites. Your stories. Everybody when

Saylor Cooper:

when her book comes out, please get it everywhere you get books.

Saylor Cooper:

And what's it called again? For the guest?

Pey Carter:

My body is not your dartboard.

Saylor Cooper:

Oh yeah. My body is not your dartboard. Great.

Saylor Cooper:

Well, everybody Yeah, give it up for Pey Carter, everybody,